7. Submerged in the dark

May 18, 2022 23:01

Mood: Lost

Listening to: Army of Mushrooms by Infected Mushroom

Hey. I read all of the main Emily the Strange comics. Boring, Lost, Dark, Rock, Death, Fake, Revenge, Alone, and the 13th Hour 1, 2, 3, and 4. I haven't read Emily and the Strangers yet, but I will. I love these comics so much.

You ever get the feeling where you love something so much that you can't express it enough? That's how I'm feeling. Like I don't even know what to do. I just want my book to get here. Emily the Strange: The Lost Days. It will get here tomorrow at the earliest. It could take multiple more days.

Like, oh well, just another obsession. Is it bad to be like this? Maybe it's not healthy to get so obsessed with things all the time. I don't know.

For me, I think it comes from me never being able to be myself as a child. Like I'm catching up on things I missed. I'm still becoming an actual person. So when I find something that I connect with so much, I latch onto it hard. And maybe it's because I don't connect with most things that well.

What I've noticed about myself since becoming a human being (about 4 years ago) is that the kind of things I've found myself drawn to and interested in have not really shifted. The difference is that now, I've had time to finally find things that fit those interests.

Before I was born, sure, I had interests. But not quite as deeply, and not as unique to me as the ones I have now. I didn't have much of a way to express myself.

So when I find something like Emily the Strange, it's such an amazing feeling.

So, why Emily the Strange? Even I can't answer the question super accurately, but I'll try.

I have a fascination with darkness. I love the night time, the moon, the rain, the cold. I love the creepy. I like dark humor. (Actual dark humor. Not just racism sexism haha.) I love cats. I love black. I love the goth style. I especially love the surreal and the abstract. So, already, I've got so much in common with Emily.

The art of the Emily the Strange comics is just so cute and delightful. I love the style. And I love the format! I've seen a lot of people say they like the art, but don't like the comics because there's no story. I view the comics as having been written and drawn by Emily herself. Making lists, making up absurd little stories, and just being creative. I really, really enjoy it.

The main thing I love about it is that while yes, Emily is called strange for being the way she is, that's not a bad thing. Her view of the world is correct, while all the others' are the strange ones. At least, that's how I see it.

She's not afraid of being her own self, even if it contradicts everything around her. She likes being alone anyway. She's not afraid of the dark. She also likes poetry and music. So, I see myself in her very strongly.

I will read Emily and the Strangers, and I will probably end up reading all of the other novels if I end up liking the first one. I think there is only a very small chance that I won't.

As I was trying to look up anything similar to this, I remembered that there are Invader ZIM comics. I love Invader ZIM too. It's got a sort of similar dark tone that I really enjoy. Tonight, I read the first two issues of the Invader ZIM comics. I really like them too. I will probably read more of those.

Almost forgot: I took two walks recently. Both at night. I like walking at night. Less people, less cars. I walked about five miles each time as well, which is good for my body.

The first night, I listened to three Birthday Massacre albums before my phone died. Then last night, I listened Mirages by Tim Hecker, then Wind by Hazard, then Here by Triac. All good ambient albums. It's much better listening to those on a walk at night in the wind and rain than listening to them at a computer just sitting there.

I've been trying to sleep during as much daylight as I can. This way, I'm always up all night. I wish I could live in a place in which it was always night time.

I hope to sink further into the dark and strange. Stay tuned.