30. Worst month is over

September 4, 2023 03:43

Mood: Uhhh good

Listening to: Autumn Calling

Tonight I went on a walk. Worst month is over. I went on a walk because it was raining outside. It always confuses me how other people don't want to be in rain, but they want to be out when it's sunny. I'm the exact opposite. If I'm gonna be outside in the sun, am gonna need an umbrella to shield myself from the downpour of light. I swear it hasn't rained for fucking months. It's so nice that it's finally come back a bit. I feel so comfortable and free outside on rainy nights.

Can feel autumn calling to me... am hoping it's going to be cold and frozen.

Believe I've talked about this before: American suburbs are shit, but during night time there's something really alluring about creeping through them. It's a combination of many things. The isolation. It's bad for freedom and accessibility and everything else, but the way each house is on its own, separated from each other one, and how all of them are collectively separated from any other area (you know, cause of shitty zoning laws)... it creates a sort of claustrophobic environment. Especially at night, when there are no FUCKING CARS being driven on the roads, no people on the sidewalks. Other than me.

So, the isolation, the loneliness, and this sense of obscurity. The wondering at whose light is on in that window. Could be anyone doing anything, yeah? This mystery activates my imagination. Not that I want to go sneaking into houses and secretly watch people.... probably.

Will continue to make fun of how half of American suburban homeowners feel the overwhelming imperative to hang up the US flag. I would have so much fun silently stealing them and burning them all. Hehehe.

Have been drawing a lot more frequently! Slowly, slooowly acquiring the habit. Still not quite drawing half a page a night, but I feel less insecure about putting my pencil on the paper. It's a process, and I feel proud of myself for my growth. Mostly drawing my OC, Hex. The slightly malignant ghost who lost her meaningless little life at the dark age of 7, and has since been amusing herself by haunting houses, casting curses, skimming spellbooks, that type of thing.

My art isn't good, but of course it isn't. I haven't even finished my first sketchbook yet. But I will. And even what I'm drawing right now is always better than not drawing anything. And not drawing anything is probably better than "making" "AI" "art", which is another way of saying "putting in practically zero effort to use an algorithm to steal someone else's art and produce an image without any value." I guess it's fine for inspiration... but seriously, seeing any of that stuff always instantly motivates me to draw something, because ANYTHING is better than that.

Always putting in effort to be more creative and not just consume media, but be inspired by it and make something myself. More and more I feel like that's what would fulfill me. Okay have a nice night gloomfies.