25. Music's mysterious qualities

May 9, 2023 midnight

Mood: Dreary

Listening to: Mirages by Tim Hecker

I went to a concert recently. I finally got to see The Birthday Massacre live! Even though it only just happened, it already feels like it was a dream. Like it's not even an experience I truly had, but one that exists in my mind as a memory anyway. It felt real while it was happening, but after I woke up the next night, it's like it didn't happen at all.

Already MUST see them live again. The whole experience of going to a concert was really fun and amazing by itself, so I'd really like to go to more of them when I have the opportunity (money).

Tonight I generally feel down. One of those moods in which everything I usually enjoy feels more dull. And I suppose that makes sense, just coming off of a day like that. It makes me want to live a lot more, and it makes me think about all the ways that my life could be more interesting.

So, it's more of a mood to listen to ambient music in. Mirages is really good. I listened to it for the first time a long time ago now, and have listened to it many times since then, but only occasionally, and it's never set in my head. It's like a brief rain, but it dries up before I listen again. It's really beautiful and nice every time I feel the drops, but they never come down enough for me to be able to splash in.

Always, always need to be listening to more music. I'm never great at doing that. A lot of the time I'm just not in the mood for a certain thing, even when I want to be. And I don't feel motivated to listen to something I've never listened to before as well. I'd like to have a much more vast breadth of taste, though.

Must listen to more ambient, must start getting into metal, and of course I've got to get to know much, much more goth. I do enjoy these things.... I don't know, maybe it's my generational lack of attention span.

Also gonna go and hopefully get hormone replacement therapy in a couple of weeks, and stay on it this time, forever. I think that will make me much happier as well.

Just started Ojamajo Doremi, and haven't missed a day of magical girl anime yet! Definitely will keep this going to the middle of the year, and hopefully will keep it up much longer than that too. I love this anime so far.

Going back to music...... good music just brings this feeling over me, as if it OWNS me, or I own it. It captivates me. I don't know. I cannot accurately explain the emotions certain music gives me, but I can say that it's different from any other feeling. It's very meaningful to me and that's why music is so special. And sometimes you've just got to be in a certain mood to listen to that certain thing, or else you won't get the atmosphere just right. At least for me.

This doesn't really have an overall point I just wanted to get some thoughts out.

Do you ever just want to climb into someone's tree and watch them from above?