24. I still want to decorate

April 27, 2023 21:38

Mood: Creative

Listening to: The Cure

Heyyyy wanted to write a bit.

Got some shit done today. Went back to the clinic that I used to receive gender-affirming care from and got set up for another appointment!! WOOOOO! Less than a month away! Then I will be one step closer to receiving my magic pills.

Still need to get my second shot of vaccine. The website of the pharmacy that I go to for that is not letting me make an appointment. Grrrr. But will hopefully get that done with before concert day.

Finished my rewatch of Jigoku Shoujo today as well. It is a 5 for me. It's not a good show, and it's not bad. There are actually quite a few things that I like about it, but it doesn't live up to its potential much.

Main thing I wanted to talk about is: have been rereading the Emily the Strange novels, and am reminded of just how fucking cool Emily is and how much I want to be like her. Of course, I can't do these crazy science experiments or use magical black liquid or.... most things she does, really. But one thing that seems more possible is decorating my place.

I talked about this in a previous diary entry, once upon a time. Haven't gotten much closer since then. I do have some pretty lights, but not much more. But, since using scissors to snip up a pair of tights I bought, that simple action has opened my mind up to new possibilities.

If I can use an everynight tool like that to destroy something, make it look all broken, crooked, and wicked..... I wonder what else I can destroy!

I don't have blank paint, I don't have like, any money, I don't know..... but am going to attempt to put a little brainpower towards figuring out how to customize and personalize my home. To make it, you know, actually my HOME.

Got these little bat friend decorations and couldn't figure out how to put them up, so they've just been sitting there. Am going to do something with those.

A simple idea is just to use loose paper and draw on it, then put it up on the walls. Or cardboard?

Maybe I'll put in some tacks, put hangers on them, and put clothing on said hangers. This would put something on my wall while also making it easier to access for future wearing endeavors.

Minutes later: HMMMMM!!! It is quite tough to think of how to decorate when you have no money for any decorations! Have no shelves, no stands.... only got a desk, table, and chairs for the first time not very long ago. Money acquiring system must be obtained!! (Job.)

Would like a way to soundproof and sun-proof my place, so even if it happens to be daytime, it will still be relatively dark and silent in my domain. Not sure if that's possible. At least need some curtains.

Would also like one of those like.... canopy beds. Like a frame for my bed that I can put beautiful transparent dark sheets over. Need some nice smells, from incense or candles or whatever. And I need some posters already! And loads of other little things that would make me feel comfortable here.

I think me not having any freedom growing up has stifled me as a person in so many ways, one of which being that I have problems with thinking of my own ideas. Maybe I expect things to be laid out for me, or I forget that I can build up the ability to make things on my own without needing to buy it from somewhere. Always getting closer.

Post on my profile if you have any ideas for me!! Thanks!